Drinking for most is not an everyday thing but for some it’s the way of taking the edge-off from the mundane. After a lot of drinking and being with a lot of drunken people, I have now deciphered 10 types of drunk I encounter everyday.
1 - The, Newbie's
Usually below the legal drinking age the sorts who usually arrive in a group of 5-10. They are young, they are loud but can’t afford to get spotted cuz “Yahan mera ek Chu**ya uncle rehta hai, ghar pe bol dega.” Their conversations revolve around college, friends, girlfriends, teachers, parents, sports, parties blah* blah* blah*
2 - The, First Timer
Always below the legal drinking age and always spotted with the Newbie’s but yet to be welcomed to the institution of drinking; He’s that one person who is constantly bullied by his peers. Probably a nerd trying to fit in but the butt of all jokes nevertheless. The one who hears this one line every time he goes out with the newbie’s; “Pee na Chu**ye, ek beer sey kuch nahi hota.”
3 - The, Responsible Drinkers
Usually between the age groups (40yrs-60yrs) and usually spotted at a corner table with a bunch of like-minded responsible drinkers. These guys are married (happily/unhappily), most have kids too. They are the regulars at the bar and know each waiter by their first name. They are a favorite amongst the waiters since they tip well. Their conversations are all about work, family and kids. The boring stuff!
4 - The, I-can’t-handle-my-drink-but-I’ll-have-another-one
Usually between the age group (18yrs-24yrs), they are the bunch of individuals who have an alcohol tolerance level equivalent to a 5year old child. We call them 2peg wonders. Their evenings always end with a lot of swearing, nagging and then puking over the table. And in Honey singh’s words; “Knicker wali chori dekho vodka chada rakhi hai, ek khatam na ho rahi iss sey dusri maangva rakhi hai!”
5 - The, Everyday Bakchod’s
Usually between the age group (25yrs-30yrs), these individuals are the self proclaimed success stories of their own. They are the been-there-done-that types. Or at-least they’d like to think so. Their talks revolve around money, power, and success. That is until the bill arrives and nobody seems to have the money to pay. Losers!!!
6 - The, Dealing-with-a breakup-types
Usually between the age group (18yrs-28yrs), these individuals have lost the age old ‘Battle of love’. Their only purpose in life now is to consume alcohol in dangerous proportions, cuz, “Pyar ka karobaar toh bahut baar kiya hai ... magar pyar sirf ek baar.” They’re usually alone. So no talks just a lot of crying.
7 - The, Bro type
Usually between the age group (25yrs-30yrs), these individuals are the best of the lot. They’re close buddies and have known each other since forever. They trust each other with almost anything. It doesn’t matter if they’ve met after a long time or meet each other every day; their only objective is to consume as much alcohol as possible in the shortest possible time. Their conversations are usually a bunch of, “Bhai hai tu mera”, “Tu bol mere bhai kya chahiye tujhe”, “Aaj daru kuch chhad nahi rahi yaar”, “Ek aur peg toh pee he sakta hoon mere bhai” strung together.
8 - The, Heavy Drinkers
Usually between the age group (30-40), these individuals don’t give a damn about what is going around them. They are the Supermen when it comes to alcohol consumption. They set benchmarks and define the boundaries to how much alcohol the human body can intake.
9 - The, Philosoraptors
Usually between the age group (25yrs-35yrs), these are easy-going and jovial individuals who are regular drinkers at the bar. They are well informed with current affairs and seem to know a lot of useless stuff that doesn't mean anything to anyone anyway. They’re good company till the 4th peg but cometh the 5th one and there you go. They will hit you with their take on world politics, business, love and I-know-everything-about-everything there is to know stuff.
10 - The, Uber-Rich
It doesn’t really matter how old or young they are. They’re rich and have a lot of money to blow. They are the easiest to spot among the crowd. They eat the stuff that’s not on the menu. They drink the most expensive liquor on the menu. They tip is usually equivalent to the ‘Everyday Bakchods’ entire bill amount.
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